7 Standards for Effective Parenting
EVERY child has fundamental needs that must be met for an emotionally and physically healthy life. Every child must be able to feel safe and secure, able to trust, able to feel loved and valued and free to be a child; these needs must be met by a parent or adult guardian. While there are many roads to effective parenting, with varying styles and methods, experts agree that all positive parenting rests upon the attribute of love. In parenting, let love be your guide.
To help parents grow emotionally and physically healthy children, here are "7 Standards for Effective Parenting."
VALUE your child
Always treats your child as a valued, important and worthwhile person. Be intent on building up your child's self-esteem through honest praise and age-appropriate levels of independence. Understand your child, and always be loyal to the best desires, instincts and dreams your child possesses.
For Example:
Tell your child you are proud of her.
Praise your child for doing a good job, for completing a task.
No matter what happens, tell your child you love her.
NURTURE your child
Consistently display love for your child through positive touch (hugs, kisses, holding close), through eye contact and through positive words of encouragement and support. Tells her child, "I love you" verbally, physically and emotionally. Spend time with your child frequently.
For example:
Look directly at your child when she talks to you. Respond physically with a hug or gentle pat on the shoulder when your child tells you a story or concern.
Physically comfort your child when she is frightened or ill.
Show pleasure in your child's accomplishments with a hug or pat on the shoulder, or through affirming verbally.
TEACH your child
Effective parents recognize that much of a child's learning comes from the parent's actions and words. Be flexible and adaptive, sensitively challenging her child to grow cognitively, socially and emotionally appropriate to her child's age and development.
For example:
Teach by living. Model a positive life by being positive yourself.
Treat your children as you would like them to treat themselves and you!
Encourage your child to talk to you about a problem. Tell your child about a similar struggle you had and what you did to solve it.
SPEAK THE TRUTH to your child
Be your child's guide. Don't knowingly tell falsehoods or intend to deceive, but builds trust by speaking the truth in love. Realize it is sometimes better to say little or nothing and allow the child to trust, than to lie and undermine confidence. Establishing a trusting relationship with your child will make it easier for your child to confide in you.
For example:
If you don't know the answer to a question, say so, then find a source that will give the answer.
Be someone your child can trust and come to for answers to difficult questions.
Tell your child you are proud of her for sharing concerns and questions with you. Try not to act shocked or upset when your child shares sensitive thoughts or experiences with you.
DISCIPLINE your child
Offer compassionate, consistent and honest correction. Don't be quick-tempered, hold a grudge or keep a record of wrongs. Instead, offer reasonable and clearly understood guidelines for your child to follow. Through patience and gentle but firm actions and words, you can guide your child's growth and moral reasoning.
For example:
Make and explain simple, age-appropriate rules for your child.
If a rule is broken, discipline with a consistent, safe punishment like quite time alone.
Parents do get angry. It is okay to let your child know you are angry at her behavior.
If feeling overwhelmed, call a friend. Get help.
ENCOURAGE your child
Be constantly alert for the physical and verbal cues infants and children give. Seek to understand your child's growth and respond appropriately to meet her needs. Care as much for your child as she cares for herself.
For example:
Spend time with your child doing things she enjoys.
As you see your child developing a particular interest, encourage her in the way her interests and abilities show.
Help your child get started, then allow more independence.
Read a book together, a chapter each night.
Go for a walk together once a week.
Cook a favorite meal together, or go out to dinner with just your child once a month.
NEVER GIVE UP on your child
Admit your fears and faults. In time of crisis or when unsure what is right or wrong, do what you think and feel is best. Create a network of informed friends and professionals to whom you can turn for help and advice.
For example:
Realize there is no single "right" way to parent.
Challenge yourself to find new and different solutions to problems.
Talk to friends and to other parents who have experienced your struggles about ideas for helping.
Call a counselor. Every parent needs help and understanding. It is available, so ask for it.
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