What Every Pre-Teen Really Wants You to Know... But May Not Tell You.
The Turning Point happens when kids enter those turbulent teen years. Their world and yours can be turned upside down. Your ability to help them depends on the relationship you have already built. The age 12 is considered by many "The Turning Point." It is perhaps the last, best chance to build a "Bridge of Peace" that will positively impact a kid's life!
So before your kids turn into teens, you need to know what they are really thinking and feeling.
Here's what American kids told us they want you to know!
"I need a safe place."
Your child needs to feel emotionally and physically safe at home, on the street, in school, wherever he or she goes. But 12-year-olds have some very specific fears that you need to know about and address.
"There are these guys at school..."
Bullies are an age-old problem that can create modern-day fears. One of every four preteens are so afraid of being hurt or threatened by other kids that they go out of their way to avoid bullies by changing what they do or where they go. Talk to your child about what is happening at school, on the bus or on the way home. Make sure your child knows what to do and where to go to keep safe.
"I'm afraid..."
Today's kids have adult fears. The number one concern of American preteens is fear of their parents' dying. No matter what you or your child is going through, your kids need you. More than half of all pre-teens are afraid they will get AIDS, are afraid they might die or are afraid their parents will not be able to pay bills. Almost one in two preteens are afraid they might be physically or sexually abused. These fears are real! Talk about them with your child. Assure your kids that you want to protect them and that it is safe to talk about their fears.
"I'm counting on you!"
Your child needs to know you are there to confide in and to be counted on for help and guidance. Kids need and are looking to trust you.
"You're my hero!"
Most kids have at least one role model, and most of them say mom and dad are who they look up to. You are a hero to your child, so be one!
"Please don't fight."
One in eight American preteens want their parents to stop fighting with each other. They want you to have a better relationship together. They want to see love and communication and to enjoy more time with you. The next time you are upset, remember the kids. Live the kind of life you would like your kids to have.
"I matter to you, right?"
All kids need to know they are loved and valued unconditionally. Your child needs to belong and to be told "you matter to me."
"I know, you're too busy right now..."
One third of all preteens say that, often when they have something they want to talk to their parents about, they can't because their parents are too busy. What is getting between you and your kids? Stop what you are doing and listen. Kids talk to those they trust. They talk to parents who are there when needed.
"Dad, where are you?"
When they need help or need to talk, most kids go to mom. But American kids need dads, too! They want to be with dad and mom, and they want dad to be with the family for fun, for talking and for just spending time together. If you want to really tell your kids you care, be with them!
"I'm not a little kid anymore."
Every kid needs to be encouraged to grow and to feel respect and responsibility. By increasing your child's independence, you can grow the confidence to handle freedom.
"Catch me doing something great!"
Tell your kid, "You're great!" You will build children's confidence far more by telling them what they are doing right than what they are doing wrong. Use this rule: For every criticism, give three compliments... and watch their confidence soar!
"Help me make the right choices."
Most kids want more independence, but they are afraid of making wrong decisions. Teach your kids early on how to think about a problem and how to look at both sides of the coin. Allow your kids to choose and even fail. But always be there to help when asked.
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